Easy.

It just occurred to me how guys have never been called that. Easy.

If a girl sleeps with a guy fast enough, she’s considered “easy” but you NEVER hear guys being called easy. You know why?

1. Most girls don’t usually see guys as their conquests, and they’re not the ones making the effort to get the guy. They’re the ones being “gotten”.

2. Most girls don’t talk about guys in that way with their friends.

Well BULLSHIT I say. Why are we being treated this way by guys, and then being called “easy”, when for all you know we could have been doing the same to the guys?

Look at it from a guy’s point of view. He meets a girl, talks to her, gets close, fucks her and then goes and tells his friend, oh she’s easy.

Now look at it from a girl’s point of view. Maybe it was the girl who first sets her eyes on him, positions herself in a way so he’ll meet her, talks to him, accommodates his cockiness and all that (all while knowing too well about his player tricks and seeing right through him, but playing along anyway), gets him into bed and not call him back after because she’s gotten what she wanted.

But because this is so unusual, and you rarely see girls as the ones “preying” on the guys, hence they rather believe that the girl is “easy”.

So if you look at it, there really are two scenarios going on:

Guy: Oh wow pretty girl in club.

Girl: YES he saw me. Now come talk to me.

Guy: Oh wow I got her number I’m so cool.

Girl: Finally, exchange of numbers. Let’s speed this up I don’t want to be wasting too much time.

Guy: Oh wow look at me I’m so cool with my player tricks on her.

Girl: Oh my GOD player tricks again. And it’s basically similar to the ones the past five guys before him have been using. Should I point this out and crush his cockiness … nah. Too much effort. He means nothing to me anyway I just want physical. I’ll just accommodate his ego.

Guy: Oh wow I got her into bed I can now tell the world she is easy and that I’m such a pro at this.

Girl: Okay. Mission complete. Oh wow nice shoes what color should I get?

For all you know, it could have been this way! It could have been her setting him up! Why is it so inconceivable? Why would guys and their friends rather believe that the girl is “easy”? Is it because they themselves do not want to believe that girls are just as capable of seizing power, playing THEIR game and turning the game on THEM?

I wish there were more Samantha Jones in this world to put these men in their places. Because if you sleep with a Samantha Jones, you won’t say she’s easy. Because you know you’re the one who got played. Badly.

So guys, really, wake up and realize that we’re all not just pawns in your game. The reason you felt like you “played” us is because you didn’t mean enough to us for us to do more than just play along with your ego. It’s like sex. Why would we want to make a big fuss about wanting to be on top so we can feel all female and empowered when we feel more pleasure being on the bottom while we exploit you to do all the work?

That’s why I hate mind games/playing hard to get, and that’s why I don’t even bother playing them. Because guys are just not worth my time/energy. I rather use my brainpower to do save trees.

I told Debra this and she said the true measure is when you PLAY these mind games and you still get your guy. It’s not ignoring him AFTER the sex that’s pure genius, she says, it’s ignoring BEFORE the sex, yet you still get it.

I don’t know … it all sounds like a lot of work to me. I mean, I wouldn’t completely throw myself at him. I do just enough to keep him on his toes, not to completely knock him off them.

Also, it depends on what level you are at. As I move in to my 20s and start meeting older guys, it’s like a whole new dating world. It’s no longer high school boys, where their biggest worries are… homework and football or something. Their world is limited. When you start meeting guys who actually have real worries in life, you start to cut that crap. A guy who comes back home from work, tired, doesn’t want to be mindfucked by the girl he’s interested in. He just wants a normal banter, followed by a mature conversation between two adults.

But the biggest reason is that … mindfucking is just not me. It’s too much deception and mask-wearing. I can’t do that. I can’t say what I don’t feel like saying. I’m all for honesty, and I’m honest as hell. If I think a guy is hot, I’ll tell him. If I like a guy, I’ll tell him (eventually). I can’t beat around the bush too much. It’s. Just. Not. Me. And I can’t not be me with anyone. That’s the one thing I really cannot do.

Playing hard to get/mindgames is just not me. I prefer bluntness. And expediency. And convenience. And so it’s easy for me to fall into the “easy” pile, though I don’t really see it that way. I mean, I don’t just date anyone … I have standards, and a very top-notch compensation system (I would like to believe). And face it, I’m a girl, if I like a hot guy, then my heart just melts for him. In a disgusting way that I do not wish to repeat again. I like men, I like … er physical things, so why would I want to delay the process for no legitimate reason?! Why should girls be labeled “easy” for something they just like doing?

Urgh. I hate that term. HATE IT. Especially if it’s used wrongly, which it is most of the time. Plus if I’m not even it for the long haul then why should I wait for the third date or so to sleep with the guy, when there won’t even be a third date?

Guys really have to start understanding the fact that women have changed, that we’re not your bitches anymore, that we’re just accommodating your ego to make our lives easier and that it might have been us who are trying to get you into bed all along. And that we might be a little more open about it now, hence this blog post.

People who insist on passing judgment consist of two kinds: 1) people who are jealous because they’re not getting any 2) people who are hypocrites because they do the same yet they denounce others for it.

For what it matters though, I really salute guys who can master cockiness in the right way … and retain a girl’s attention. But that’s story for another day.

How to make a guy's life easier. [edited]

This is really why I look at relationships with such disdain. It’s a lot like watching a monkey trying to piss off an unresponsive piece of wood. I say monkey because they look like they’d be pretty good at mind games, in terms of animals of course. And I say wood because the poor guy is totally oblivious of the monkey’s stupid mind games. Let’s take a review on the areas that a girl can probably make her boyfriend’s life much easier.

1. I want you to want to do the dishes.

Or

I want you to call but I’m not calling because I’m waiting for you to call so it shows that I care because I was waiting for you to call even though I didn’t call so this shows you don’t care.

Honestly, what the fuck is that?! If you want to call, WHY NOT YOU MAKE THE DAMN CALL? What’s with the “I’m waiting for your call and magically expecting you to know that I’m waiting for your call”? WHAT IS THAT? Do you expect someone who can’t remember to put the toilet seat down to remember to call you every five minutes?!?

Which brings me to my next point …

2. Please call me every waking moment of my life and inform me of your every move.

And you wonder why his friends dislike you. Here’s a better idea. Why not as he is sleeping, sneak up to him and GAS him, and then implant this GPS tracking device thing in him (I’m sure Garmin or whatever makes one of these I-am-a-psychotic-girlfriend-so-I-need-to-track-my-boyfriend devices), preferably somewhere he cannot see, like his forehead, and then you get to know wherever he is anytime, anywhere! Isn’t this your dream come true?

But seriously. Give the guy some space. If you’re constantly worried that he might be meeting some new girl then you’re just insecure and he’s not showing you that you can trust him so it’s not going to work anyway.

3. The clubbing/going out late at night issue.

Somehow a lot of girlfriends always seem to have a problem with this. I’m not going to say more, because I think this issue can never be solved, like global warming, even if you pretend that everything’s fine. Only three solutions to this: a) the girl completely makes peace with this issue (meaning she completely shuts up about it) b) the boyfriend stops clubbing c) yeah sorry it’s just not going to work out. (It is assumed the girl won’t dump the guy because if she is so controlling over him in the first place it’s because she doesn’t want to lose him.)

4. “CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SHOUTING?!” “I’M NOT SHOUTING, YOU ARE!”

Oh yes the whole I’m-not-doing-it-you-are thing, when in actuality both of them are. And it’s so stupid because whenever they complain to the outside world it’s so obvious to US that they are both doing it, but they can’t see it themselves.

Solution to this is to actually DO what you the other partner is accusing you of, let’s just say he said you are making a big fuss out of something … try actually making a big fuss and you’ll see it’s not so unfamiliar after all.

5. Who is this girl?! (ie What is her social security number tell me so I can assassinate her)

Back to my number three tip. If you’re constantly worried about some girl, then you’re either insecure and not confident with yourself, or you KNOW your boyfriend can’t be trusted. If you think I’m wrong, and you are secure, and you know your boyfriend can be trusted … then why the heck are you worrying about another girl in the first place?!

There will always be someone the girlfriend will get particularly sensitive about (ie want to kill). Again, employ the clubbing tactic. a) she makes peace, shuts up about it b) he stops talking to girl in matter c) not gonna work, sorry. I know I’m being so harsh but it’s true! You know this situation will never be solved otherwise! Some things cannot be talked out or compromised. Because if you think about it, why is she making a fuss in the first place? After you’ve talked it out with her, what would you have changed? Nothing. If you’ve done nothing, yet she already feels insecure, what makes you think a “talk” would make her less insecure? Do you see my point?

And girls, food for thought here, if you suspect your boyfriend of being too close with another girl, ask yourself, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? What CAN you do about it? Talk to him about it, which will definitely lead to a quarrel because he’ll insist he’s not doing anything and they’re just friends and can you stop being so sensitive … then you’ll start yelling back and throwing chairs/words and all that kerfuffle (isn’t this an awesome word)? After all, you’re not going to DUMP him right? So basically all you can do is … argue. Without anything actually getting achieved.

6. And all the other petty little things.

For the life of me I really don’t know why girls can spend hours or even days arguing about something small like … why didn’t you text me when you came home at 5am that time. Well dude it’s 5am don’t you think ANY SANE HUMAN BEING would want a rest at that time? When you make it an obligation for someone to do things a normal caring boyfriend should do, it’ll backfire. The moment he finds it a pain to do something he should be doing as a boyfriend … congrats you just wrecked a potentially awesome boyfriend.

I mean, I used to be like that. I would pick fights over the smallest thing like my boyfriend not voicing out his opinion on the shoe color when we’re shopping. It’ll blow up into a “you don’t care about me” fight … and I tried to think of my reasons behind it. I’d try to remember why I would insist on blowing up small things when I realized that I was just looking for a fight. It was just fun in a way that even I wasn’t really conscious of, to piss my boyfriend off and watch him give in. To just pick fights for the sake of it. To just get mad.

But back then there was no one to conk me over the head with a toaster or so to wake me up, and my boyfriend just kept pandering to my pettiness, so I just never really learned my lesson. So now I wield the toaster in my hands, hoping to wake all you girls up, so you will not make the same mistake I did. Omg next lesson I’m going to teach you all to not hold on for the wrong reasons … second biggest mistake in a relationship/post-relationship. I have my toaster at ready.

See things can be so much easier! Why do we insist on blowing it up when there are other things worth blowing?!?! (I just made a crude joke.) (Please still love me.)

Okay that’s all I can think of for now. It’s all these little things that get blown out of proportion (don’t make me say my blowing joke again). If that’s what a relationship is, dealing with each other’s petty requests and temper and taking forever to talk things out to make things work in a relationship … then I’m for one glad that I won’t find myself in one for a really long time.

How to make a guy's life easier. [edited]

This is really why I look at relationships with such disdain. It’s a lot like watching a monkey trying to piss off an unresponsive piece of wood. I say monkey because they look like they’d be pretty good at mind games, in terms of animals of course. And I say wood because the poor guy is totally oblivious of the monkey’s stupid mind games. Let’s take a review on the areas that a girl can probably make her boyfriend’s life much easier.

1. I want you to want to do the dishes.

Or

I want you to call but I’m not calling because I’m waiting for you to call so it shows that I care because I was waiting for you to call even though I didn’t call so this shows you don’t care.

Honestly, what the fuck is that?! If you want to call, WHY NOT YOU MAKE THE DAMN CALL? What’s with the “I’m waiting for your call and magically expecting you to know that I’m waiting for your call”? WHAT IS THAT? Do you expect someone who can’t remember to put the toilet seat down to remember to call you every five minutes?!?

Which brings me to my next point …

2. Please call me every waking moment of my life and inform me of your every move.

And you wonder why his friends dislike you. Here’s a better idea. Why not as he is sleeping, sneak up to him and GAS him, and then implant this GPS tracking device thing in him (I’m sure Garmin or whatever makes one of these I-am-a-psychotic-girlfriend-so-I-need-to-track-my-boyfriend devices), preferably somewhere he cannot see, like his forehead, and then you get to know wherever he is anytime, anywhere! Isn’t this your dream come true?

But seriously. Give the guy some space. If you’re constantly worried that he might be meeting some new girl then you’re just insecure and he’s not showing you that you can trust him so it’s not going to work anyway.

3. The clubbing/going out late at night issue.

Somehow a lot of girlfriends always seem to have a problem with this. I’m not going to say more, because I think this issue can never be solved, like global warming, even if you pretend that everything’s fine. Only three solutions to this: a) the girl completely makes peace with this issue (meaning she completely shuts up about it) b) the boyfriend stops clubbing c) yeah sorry it’s just not going to work out. (It is assumed the girl won’t dump the guy because if she is so controlling over him in the first place it’s because she doesn’t want to lose him.)

4. “CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SHOUTING?!” “I’M NOT SHOUTING, YOU ARE!”

Oh yes the whole I’m-not-doing-it-you-are thing, when in actuality both of them are. And it’s so stupid because whenever they complain to the outside world it’s so obvious to US that they are both doing it, but they can’t see it themselves.

Solution to this is to actually DO what you the other partner is accusing you of, let’s just say he said you are making a big fuss out of something … try actually making a big fuss and you’ll see it’s not so unfamiliar after all.

5. Who is this girl?! (ie What is her social security number tell me so I can assassinate her)

Back to my number three tip. If you’re constantly worried about some girl, then you’re either insecure and not confident with yourself, or you KNOW your boyfriend can’t be trusted. If you think I’m wrong, and you are secure, and you know your boyfriend can be trusted … then why the heck are you worrying about another girl in the first place?!

There will always be someone the girlfriend will get particularly sensitive about (ie want to kill). Again, employ the clubbing tactic. a) she makes peace, shuts up about it b) he stops talking to girl in matter c) not gonna work, sorry. I know I’m being so harsh but it’s true! You know this situation will never be solved otherwise! Some things cannot be talked out or compromised. Because if you think about it, why is she making a fuss in the first place? After you’ve talked it out with her, what would you have changed? Nothing. If you’ve done nothing, yet she already feels insecure, what makes you think a “talk” would make her less insecure? Do you see my point?

And girls, food for thought here, if you suspect your boyfriend of being too close with another girl, ask yourself, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? What CAN you do about it? Talk to him about it, which will definitely lead to a quarrel because he’ll insist he’s not doing anything and they’re just friends and can you stop being so sensitive … then you’ll start yelling back and throwing chairs/words and all that kerfuffle (isn’t this an awesome word)? After all, you’re not going to DUMP him right? So basically all you can do is … argue. Without anything actually getting achieved.

6. And all the other petty little things.

For the life of me I really don’t know why girls can spend hours or even days arguing about something small like … why didn’t you text me when you came home at 5am that time. Well dude it’s 5am don’t you think ANY SANE HUMAN BEING would want a rest at that time? When you make it an obligation for someone to do things a normal caring boyfriend should do, it’ll backfire. The moment he finds it a pain to do something he should be doing as a boyfriend … congrats you just wrecked a potentially awesome boyfriend.

I mean, I used to be like that. I would pick fights over the smallest thing like my boyfriend not voicing out his opinion on the shoe color when we’re shopping. It’ll blow up into a “you don’t care about me” fight … and I tried to think of my reasons behind it. I’d try to remember why I would insist on blowing up small things when I realized that I was just looking for a fight. It was just fun in a way that even I wasn’t really conscious of, to piss my boyfriend off and watch him give in. To just pick fights for the sake of it. To just get mad.

But back then there was no one to conk me over the head with a toaster or so to wake me up, and my boyfriend just kept pandering to my pettiness, so I just never really learned my lesson. So now I wield the toaster in my hands, hoping to wake all you girls up, so you will not make the same mistake I did. Omg next lesson I’m going to teach you all to not hold on for the wrong reasons … second biggest mistake in a relationship/post-relationship. I have my toaster at ready.

See things can be so much easier! Why do we insist on blowing it up when there are other things worth blowing?!?! (I just made a crude joke.) (Please still love me.)

Okay that’s all I can think of for now. It’s all these little things that get blown out of proportion (don’t make me say my blowing joke again). If that’s what a relationship is, dealing with each other’s petty requests and temper and taking forever to talk things out to make things work in a relationship … then I’m for one glad that I won’t find myself in one for a really long time.

How to make a guy's life easier.

This is really why I look at relationships with such disdain. It’s a lot like watching a monkey trying to piss off an unresponsive piece of wood. I say monkey because they look like they’d be pretty good at mind games, in terms of animals of course. And I say wood because the poor guy is totally oblivious of the monkey’s stupid mind games. Let’s take a review on the areas that a girl can probably make her boyfriend’s life so much easier.

1. I want you to want to do the dishes.

Or

I want you to want to call but I’m not calling because I’m waiting for you to call so it shows that I care because I was waiting for you to call even though I didn’t call while you didn’t call at all so you don’t care.

Honestly, what the fuck is that?! If you want to call, WHY NOT YOU MAKE THE DAMN CALL? What’s with the “I’m waiting for your call and magically expecting you to know that I’m waiting for your call”? WHAT IS THAT? Do you expect someone who can’t remember to put the toilet seat down to remember to call you every five minutes?!?

Which brings me to my next point …

2. Please call me every waking moment of my life and inform me of your every move.

And you wonder why his friends dislike you. Here’s a better idea. Why not as he is sleeping, sneak up to him and GAS him, and then implant this GPS tracking device thing in him (I’m sure Garmin or whatever makes one of these I-am-a-psychotic-girlfriend-so-I-need-to-track-my-boyfriend devices), preferably somewhere he cannot see, like his forehead, and then you get to know wherever he is anytime, anywhere! Isn’t this your dream come true?

But seriously. Give the guy some space. If you’re constantly worried that he might be meeting some new girl then you’re just insecure and he’s not showing you that you can trust him so it’s not going to work anyway.

3. The clubbing/going out late at night issue.

Somehow a lot of girlfriends always seem to have a problem with this. I’m not going to say anything more, because I think this issue can never be solved, even if you pretend that everything’s fine. Only three solutions to this: a) the girl completely makes peace with this issue b) the boyfriend stops clubbing c) dump her over dinner. (It is assumed the girl won’t dump the guy because if she is so controlling over him in the first place it’s because she doesn’t want to lose him.)

4. “CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SHOUTING?!” “I’M NOT SHOUTING, YOU ARE!”

Oh yes the whole I’m-not-doing-it-you-are thing, when in actuality both of them are. And it’s so stupid because whenever they complain to the outside world it’s so obvious to US that they are both doing it, but they can’t see it themselves.

Solution to this is to actually DO what you the other partner is accusing you of, let’s just say he said you are making a big fuss out of something … try actually making a big fuss and you’ll see it’s not so unfamiliar after all.

5. Who is this girl?! (ie What is her social security number tell me so I can assassinate her)

Back to my number three tip. If you’re constantly worried about some girl, then you’re either insecure and not confident with yourself, or you KNOW your boyfriend can’t be trusted. If you think I’m wrong, and you are secure, and you know your boyfriend can be trusted … then why the heck are you worrying about another girl in the first place?!

See things can be so much easier! Why do we insist on blowing it up when there are other things worth blowing?!?! (I just made a crude joke.) (Hey love me for who I am ok.)

Okay that’s all I can think of for now. It’s all these little things that get blown out of proportion (don’t make me say my blowing joke again). If that’s what a relationship is, dealing with each other’s petty requests and temper … then I’m for one glad that I won’t find myself in one for a really long time.

How to make a guy's life easier.

This is really why I look at relationships with such disdain. It’s a lot like watching a monkey trying to piss off an unresponsive piece of wood. I say monkey because they look like they’d be pretty good at mind games, in terms of animals of course. And I say wood because the poor guy is totally oblivious of the monkey’s stupid mind games. Let’s take a review on the areas that a girl can probably make her boyfriend’s life so much easier.

1. I want you to want to do the dishes.

Or

I want you to want to call but I’m not calling because I’m waiting for you to call so it shows that I care because I was waiting for you to call even though I didn’t call while you didn’t call at all so you don’t care.

Honestly, what the fuck is that?! If you want to call, WHY NOT YOU MAKE THE DAMN CALL? What’s with the “I’m waiting for your call and magically expecting you to know that I’m waiting for your call”? WHAT IS THAT? Do you expect someone who can’t remember to put the toilet seat down to remember to call you every five minutes?!?

Which brings me to my next point …

2. Please call me every waking moment of my life and inform me of your every move.

And you wonder why his friends dislike you. Here’s a better idea. Why not as he is sleeping, sneak up to him and GAS him, and then implant this GPS tracking device thing in him (I’m sure Garmin or whatever makes one of these I-am-a-psychotic-girlfriend-so-I-need-to-track-my-boyfriend devices), preferably somewhere he cannot see, like his forehead, and then you get to know wherever he is anytime, anywhere! Isn’t this your dream come true?

But seriously. Give the guy some space. If you’re constantly worried that he might be meeting some new girl then you’re just insecure and he’s not showing you that you can trust him so it’s not going to work anyway.

3. The clubbing/going out late at night issue.

Somehow a lot of girlfriends always seem to have a problem with this. I’m not going to say anything more, because I think this issue can never be solved, even if you pretend that everything’s fine. Only three solutions to this: a) the girl completely makes peace with this issue b) the boyfriend stops clubbing c) dump her over dinner. (It is assumed the girl won’t dump the guy because if she is so controlling over him in the first place it’s because she doesn’t want to lose him.)

4. “CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SHOUTING?!” “I’M NOT SHOUTING, YOU ARE!”

Oh yes the whole I’m-not-doing-it-you-are thing, when in actuality both of them are. And it’s so stupid because whenever they complain to the outside world it’s so obvious to US that they are both doing it, but they can’t see it themselves.

Solution to this is to actually DO what you the other partner is accusing you of, let’s just say he said you are making a big fuss out of something … try actually making a big fuss and you’ll see it’s not so unfamiliar after all.

5. Who is this girl?! (ie What is her social security number tell me so I can assassinate her)

Back to my number three tip. If you’re constantly worried about some girl, then you’re either insecure and not confident with yourself, or you KNOW your boyfriend can’t be trusted. If you think I’m wrong, and you are secure, and you know your boyfriend can be trusted … then why the heck are you worrying about another girl in the first place?!

See things can be so much easier! Why do we insist on blowing it up when there are other things worth blowing?!?! (I just made a crude joke.) (Hey love me for who I am ok.)

Okay that’s all I can think of for now. It’s all these little things that get blown out of proportion (don’t make me say my blowing joke again). If that’s what a relationship is, dealing with each other’s petty requests and temper … then I’m for one glad that I won’t find myself in one for a really long time.

Things I will do now in order to prepare for a man-eating crocodile attack some day in the future

Yes I did just watch a man-eating crocodile movie, and it just occurred to me how I totally will not survive in a situation like this!! And I really don’t want to be yelled at by my fellow team mates for slowing everyone down! It’s like Sports Day all over again.

But anyway, here are some ways to train myself for a totally unexpected attack:

1. I must be thin.

In case I faint or get dragged down by the crocodile but survived somehow, some hot hunk (the movies said so) will have to carry me to safety. If I continue eating like a pregnant walrus the guy will give up half way and leave me to my death ok. Plus there is a very high possibility that I will fake unconsciousness so I don’t have to walk anymore so achieving this point is vital!

2. I must learn to swim.

Self-explanatory. Extra points for being able to propel myself at high speed from one land to another. And carry people on my back. Maybe a dog too. There always seems to be a dog in such movies. Plus will help Cornell students get their degree since they have to pass swimming to graduate.

3. I must train arms.

Urgh also somehow all these crocodile attacks involve the people climbing something like a rope. Are you kidding me I totally cannot climb a rope.

4. I must wear less make-up.

If you have a man-eating crocodile on your back the last thing you want to worry about is attracting some not-the-hunk guy in your team whose text messages you really don’t want to reply. What about the hunk, you ask? Well his girl friend just lost a limb I don’t think he’s going for looks anytime now.

5. I must wear the right shoes.

Oh man watching that guy walk into the river with his leather shoes … I swear my heart broke a little.

6. I must adapt myself to using random sharp objects lying around.

Preferably learn how to penetrate it through the crocodile’s jaw, instantly killing him, without him digesting any part of my body yet. It’s a skill that only the hot hunks have, unfortunately. If you’re just a normal-looking person your only skill in the movie is to be eaten.

7. I must not be stuck with the dog.

The dog runs TO the trouble and detects all kinds of things. It’s like, DOG, I really just wanna get back to the boat please stop taking me to the crocodile’s nesting ground.

8. I must not get eaten at any cost.

Whether by angry team mates or by crocodiles.

9. I must get those flash lights that fall into the water yet can still be used.

Handy.

10. I must LOOK like the chick that has be to saved.

Because only those people who look like they’re going to survive will survive. Like Jennifer Lopez. But that was a snake movie. Same thing.

This is the crocodile.

This is the hot hunk.

This is me.

I am SCREWED.

Sorry!!!!!

Me posing with the Velvet door in Zouk.

My friends being pleasantly surprised with Zlwin’s magic! Ana even used her very special Indian accent to express it.

This is me at my classmate’s wedding. CLASSMATE. Meaning he’s 19.

This is me and Debra resuming a coital position during New Year’s Eve. YES LET’S JUST CALL A SPADE A SPADE OKAY.

I don’t know I just look nice in this one. Still New Year’s eve.

KT pouring a drink on me. ON me not FOR me. Still at Zouk. (He didn’t really do it.)

Me and Avatar ie giant blue smurfs. That was at The Curve. Shereen and Jannee’s birthday celebration.

And …… that’s a summary of what I’ve been doing. More photos soon? Question mark noted.

I dedicate this song to all girls with shitty ex-boyfriends

“I’m gonna tell the world you’re rubbish in bed now, and that you’re small in the game.” HAHAHAHA

And this, to some extent, to my brother.

I SAID TO SOME EXTENT.

Trip to Genting! Or as Ana calls it, "Dinosaurland"

Us at Devi’s before take-off.

Camwhoring as the boys get the cars ready!

First car, Heiko’s SUV, leader of the pack.

“When I put the Transformers song and I’m driving I always feel like I’m going to save the world.” – Heiko

Second car: KT’s Beemer baby.

Ana decides to be helpful … while I take photos of her being helpful.

Third car: Nick’s baby, though I think Ana has taken custody of it. Never mess with the Ukrainian bread basket woman.

They said I’m so out of this photo because I didn’t have The Pout. I didn’t know we were doing The Pout! Next time send telepathic signals to me geez.

And so begins the deluge of car photos!

I found MOAR.

Wtf.

Ana had to find out the hard way that this totally does not look like its photos.

We go in!! Heh heh heh my picture.

OH. THIS. PICTURE.

My awesome friends PINNING ME DOWN TO THE GROUND. I knew they’ve always wanted to pounce on me, but I didn’t know it would happen in Genting.

We brought a friend.

They said I overpacked. Har. Har. I was carrying my other friends’ bags while they went to the bathroom, in case you really believed I packed all that there.

My friends were in the bathroom for a really long time.

Something is between Mr Energizer’s legs.

Guess what ride we were on!

It’s the pirate ride! Arrr. (Don’t lose respect for me I’ve been wanting to do that.)

Waiting in line.

Waiting in line some more.

Our rides … and my very long hair. Wow.

Our ride … in black and white!

Haha their faces before the Boner Ride! (That’s what we called it. I thought it used to be called Solaris Shot or something.)

Kt riding the boner.

Ana riding the boner.

Brooke riding the boner.

Andre doing the man a favor.

Heiko and the three cars at the place where we set up our picnic!

Camwhoring in the wilderness (by wilderness I mean this place by the roadside on the way down from Genting). My fringe is too long for its own good.

Ana for president! Soyuz nerushimy respublik svobodnykh splotila naveki velikaya Rus’!

I totally just sang what I think is the Soviet Union national anthem by the way.

Ah the drivers toasting to the road trip … and for many more to come.