This is really why I look at relationships with such disdain. It’s a lot like watching a monkey trying to piss off an unresponsive piece of wood. I say monkey because they look like they’d be pretty good at mind games, in terms of animals of course. And I say wood because the poor guy is totally oblivious of the monkey’s stupid mind games. Let’s take a review on the areas that a girl can probably make her boyfriend’s life so much easier.
1. I want you to want to do the dishes.
Or
I want you to want to call but I’m not calling because I’m waiting for you to call so it shows that I care because I was waiting for you to call even though I didn’t call while you didn’t call at all so you don’t care.
Honestly, what the fuck is that?! If you want to call, WHY NOT YOU MAKE THE DAMN CALL? What’s with the “I’m waiting for your call and magically expecting you to know that I’m waiting for your call”? WHAT IS THAT? Do you expect someone who can’t remember to put the toilet seat down to remember to call you every five minutes?!?
Which brings me to my next point …
2. Please call me every waking moment of my life and inform me of your every move.
And you wonder why his friends dislike you. Here’s a better idea. Why not as he is sleeping, sneak up to him and GAS him, and then implant this GPS tracking device thing in him (I’m sure Garmin or whatever makes one of these I-am-a-psychotic-girlfriend-so-I-need-to-track-my-boyfriend devices), preferably somewhere he cannot see, like his forehead, and then you get to know wherever he is anytime, anywhere! Isn’t this your dream come true?
But seriously. Give the guy some space. If you’re constantly worried that he might be meeting some new girl then you’re just insecure and he’s not showing you that you can trust him so it’s not going to work anyway.
3. The clubbing/going out late at night issue.
Somehow a lot of girlfriends always seem to have a problem with this. I’m not going to say anything more, because I think this issue can never be solved, even if you pretend that everything’s fine. Only three solutions to this: a) the girl completely makes peace with this issue b) the boyfriend stops clubbing c) dump her over dinner. (It is assumed the girl won’t dump the guy because if she is so controlling over him in the first place it’s because she doesn’t want to lose him.)
4. “CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SHOUTING?!” “I’M NOT SHOUTING, YOU ARE!”
Oh yes the whole I’m-not-doing-it-you-are thing, when in actuality both of them are. And it’s so stupid because whenever they complain to the outside world it’s so obvious to US that they are both doing it, but they can’t see it themselves.
Solution to this is to actually DO what you the other partner is accusing you of, let’s just say he said you are making a big fuss out of something … try actually making a big fuss and you’ll see it’s not so unfamiliar after all.
5. Who is this girl?! (ie What is her social security number tell me so I can assassinate her)
Back to my number three tip. If you’re constantly worried about some girl, then you’re either insecure and not confident with yourself, or you KNOW your boyfriend can’t be trusted. If you think I’m wrong, and you are secure, and you know your boyfriend can be trusted … then why the heck are you worrying about another girl in the first place?!
See things can be so much easier! Why do we insist on blowing it up when there are other things worth blowing?!?! (I just made a crude joke.) (Hey love me for who I am ok.)
Okay that’s all I can think of for now. It’s all these little things that get blown out of proportion (don’t make me say my blowing joke again). If that’s what a relationship is, dealing with each other’s petty requests and temper … then I’m for one glad that I won’t find myself in one for a really long time.
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